Motivation Monday: Meh.

Many weeks I write my Motivation Monday post over the weekend and schedule it to publish early on Monday morning. Not this week. I'm writing it early Monday morning before I get into the swing of the morning rush for school, followed by running, followed by working, followed by after-school activities. Assuming Kiddo doesn't wake up sick this morning. She's had some mild cold symptoms.

After the pep talk I gave myself in last week's post, I completely did not follow my own advice. Prioritizing running was hard last week. Work, weather, the school schedule. Sure, it's all excuses that I could have risen above but I didn't. Because I'm human.

This is a new week. I'm looking ahead to possible sick days and snows days. I did some meal prep over the weekend so that I can spend the time on running, working, and parenting without having to worry about decently healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. One day soon I'll write a whole post on meal prepping. I do it in a rather slow and lazy way. You will not find a hundred matching single-serve containers in my freezer. So stay tuned for that!

As you can see I didn't come anywhere near last week's mileage goal. I'm going to try again this week. Look at the weather, Tuesday is the warmest day this week and I'd like to do a long run then, hopefully getting out there before the rain drops, and possibly snowflakes, start falling.

How Language Matters

It started with this:

A male friend posted it on Facebook. Another woman and I simultaneously started pointing out a few things that are wrong with it. The a couple of men seem to think we're overreacting.

But lists like this are part of the problem of what I call male toxicity "lite." It seems innocent enough -- a list of basic respectful rules for life. But it doesn't take much reading to lift the veil on this being a list of rules for manly men.

I Feel Compelled to Discuss Literature and Menstruation

Since I’ve been going through A Tale of Two Cities and changing the genders, I can’t help but keep rolling my eyes at how Lucie (who will become Lucas, I believe) is treated like a child, yet I’m sure that a male character of the same age and experience would be treated like a an adult (a male adult). I keep thinking about how women have been displayed as weak, silly, and unable to face danger, or even mild unpleasantness in literature, and then movies and television, since forever.

And here’s where there might be too much information for some readers: When I last got my period I started thinking about how women have been menstruating since the dawn of humans. Menstruation is messy and can be painful. Anyone who says women can’t handle pain or who accuses them of being squeamish must not be aware of the discomfort, and sometimes pain, of menstruation, not to mention the managing of all the blood. No matter what a woman is doing to manage her period, whether it’s pads, tampons, or cups, there is blood involved.

So, squeamish my ass.

It doesn’t matter if she gets up and goes to work in an office, a school, a factory, with her period or if she goes running or if she parents all day. The next time you’re tempted to think of women as weak or silly, remember that they get their periods. And they go to work, and they workout, and they parent through all the discomfort and blood.

When women are in situations where a man is pressuring them into sexual activity or else he’ll get “blue balls,” I’d like women to start saying, “Well I get menstrual cramps once a month and I manage to survive.”

We still have this societal notion of women being “the weaker sex.” And it’s nonsense. Women shouldn’t have to talk about their periods of they don’t want to. But men are not going to understand what actually goes on down there unless some women do because we’ve relied on pop culture for too long and pop culture hasn’t educated people properly on menstruation.

I’m almost done with my first full edit of A Tale of Cities. I think I might post chapters here on my blog as I finalize each one.

Motivation Monday: Snow Days

Frozen Narragansett Bay at low tide back on Run Streak Day 60

Today will be day 71 of my run streak. Between the cold weather, school holiday break, and snow days, it’s been difficult to get outside and it’s been difficult to find the time for more than one mile but I’m keeping the streak alive so far. Today is another snow day and I’ll get down to the fitness room in our building for another mile on the treadmill. I’m reminding myself that the running makes me a happy, healthy person. That it’s okay for Kiddo to play with my phone for fifteen minutes so I can get it done. She sometimes hops on the treadmill next to me for a quarter mile or so, then plays with the giant exercise balls. (A current favorite activity of hers is to bellyflop onto one and roll it across the room.)

It’s only January 8th but it already feels like it's been a long, dark winter. I have no specific races in mind this year. I have nothing specific to train for. I don’t know why I’m doing this daily running, except I guess I want to have a decent base for when I do decide on a race.

On Friday’s snow day I took Kiddo to the climbing gym. It was nearly empty, which surprised me. Since it was a cold-weather day, not a bad-weather day, I expected more people to have gotten their kids out of the house for some indoor activity to wear them out. But Kiddo and I pretty much had the run of the place. After a few climbs where I belayed her, we decided to go to the bouldering side of the gym, where you climb without ropes. Kiddo attacked the wall. She was at the top before I could blink. And she wanted to keep trying over and over again. I managed to get her to sit still for a few minutes so I could get some climbs in. It was wonderful to hear her cheer for me when I got to the top. I realized that I need to see her boundless enthusiasm to continue encouraging me and she needs to see me continuing to try new things and tackle new challenges even if I’m tired or in a bad mood.

She and I spend so much time together, she watches everything I do and gets her cues from me.
And I guess that’s why I’m going on with the run streak even on these dull, dark days. I have no physical or mental reason not to. Kiddo sees me having my activities, my life, and making it a priority, even if it’s only for fifteen minutes out of the day.

Follow-up to My Previous Post

Kiddo likes to wear cool jewelry and those shirts that have the sequins that have a color or design in one direction and a different color or design in the other direction. I want her to express herself and feel comfortable with her fashion choices. I do not want other kids grabbing her pendants or touching her sequins uninvited.

I feel guilty over an incident at the bus stop this morning. Kiddo was wearing a cool pendant and a little boy her age ran up and touched it because he thought it was cool, too. And neither Kiddo nor I said anything. It did cross my mind to say something. But so did: Kiddo didn’t say anything and her body language didn’t give me any clues toward her comfort level. Was she simply surprised, but not bothered? Or was she annoyed? I didn’t want to cause a scene with a seven-year-old child. (This kid is loud.) I didn’t want to cause a scene with his mother. (She scolds her kids all the time but it doesn’t seem to stop any of their grabby behavior.)

In the past I have confronted this child when he has grabbed something. It's usually a little toy Kiddo has in her hand. His sister tried to take my Kindle out of my hands one afternoon when I was reading while waiting for the bus to drop off and I told her, “No,” very firmly.

Sometimes I just don’t want to cause a scene and I feel terrible if it’s happening at Kiddo’s expense.

I’m exhausted.

I want to protect Kiddo and defend her. But she and I talk so often about appropriate interactions. I want other parents to be having these talks with their kids, too. We’re reading Ramona the Pest and Ramona wants to kiss a boy and pull another girl’s beautiful springy curls and I stop to remind Kiddo these things are not appropriate if the other child does not want them to happen. I’ve warned her about hugging friends who do not like to be hugged. (She’s a hugger.)

I am not against physical contact. That’s not what this is about. Kiddo has friends that she does hug upon greeting. She has a close friend, who’s a boy, who she greets by hugging tightly and they knock each other to the ground and wrestle until his little sister jumps on top of them. And it’s fine because all three kids are totally on board with interacting that way with each other. And they’re also all fine with saying, “I don’t feel like wrestling today,” and not wrestling.

And in this household, this is not considered a feminist issue for the females to deal with. Mike has these talks with Kiddo, too, so I'm not totally alone. But we are just two parents in a world of millions. It's still overwhelming.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when Kiddo gets home from school, if I should bring it up or not. If she’s forgotten about it I kind of don’t want to remind her. I’m afraid she’ll think of it as her doing something wrong because she didn’t call out this boy, when I feel like I’m the one who’s totally in the wrong. If she mentions it or if it somehow comes up naturally of course I’ll discuss it. But I can't do this by myself. Other parents have to have these talks with their kids, too.

To bring this back to my previous post:
“Cool necklace!”
“Thanks!”
Perfectly nice interaction.

“Cool necklace!” said while grabbing for it and ignoring the look of surprise on Kiddo’s face is not appropriate.

I want Kiddo to be able to defend herself but I also want her to not have to.

Expectations vs. Limitations

"You'll never be more than alive
You'll never do more than survive
Until you expect it"
~10,000 Maniacs - Few And Far Between

Yes, I've gotten to the point where I'm quoting favorite songs from my teen years for inspiration. (On that same playlist, "I think about the time, I kicked a boy 'til he cried," The Sundays.)

I've been loosely following a training schedule to get ready for my two ten-mile races. This is the first week where I'm feeling the craziness of trying to fit it all in. Mike's out of town and I have some volunteer commitments at Muffin's school. I can only run during her school hours anyway, which limits me if I have any other plans during the day. A couple hours of writing/working is nice to accomplish regularly. I also need to eat, and feed Muffin, which means I need to make time for grocery shopping and cooking. I'll let the dishes and laundry pile up for days, though. It's not as urgent as the eating and the running.

My weekday runs this week are supposed to be a five miler and an eight miler. Yesterday I planned to run but when I woke up I wasn't feeling it and went to the climbing gym instead. I'm perfectly happy with that decision because I felt great by the end of the day and I woke up ready to run this morning. With my IT band acting up, though, I was hesitant to commit to eight miles. Generally I tell my body, "Run X miles," and my body does it without questioning me. I think that's how I got injured in the first place, however, so I need to rethink that strategy.

Part of me really wanted to get the eight miles over with because this morning was the only time I have until next Monday to fit in a long run. The me of two or three years ago would have said, "Fuck it! Run the eight miles and care not about the tiredness and injuries. You'll bounce back!" But the me of right now really doesn't want to be in pain if it can be avoided.

I chose a route that put me at Metro stations at mile five and mile eight so I could gauge how I felt along the way and decided when to bag it and head home. I kind of knew I was only going to run five miles but I didn't want to rule out eight until I'd honestly assessed how my IT band felt.

Things felt not great. Despite rolling and stretching, my quad was tight and there was some tenderness in my calf. Between miles three and four I had a running dialogue in my head between younger me and current me about stopping at five miles or not. Older, wiser, lamer, safer current me won. I detoured off the path and around a small park before arriving at a Metro station at 5.1 miles. It was absolutely the right choice. By the time I'd gone through the turnstile and gotten onto the train platform, my left calf had seized up in what I assume is anger at having taken it out running. 

Four days of walking and yoga should prepare me for a longer run on Monday. I've trained for enough races to know that I still have plenty of time to get those eight- and ten-mile runs in before the first race at the end of July. I'm still trying to figure out my new limitations before I can tell my body what I expect from it.

Time for Some Changes

I got caught in the rain this morning.

Dang! I completely forgot about the movie challenge. I'll pick it back up soon. I still have a lot of great movies to talk about.

I've been jotting down a lot of notes and random sentences and paragraphs the last few weeks. They are not going to become one very long blog post but I think it's time to start developing them into something I can share.

Last week I signed up for two ten-mile races, one in July and one in October. I haven't raced any distance since the Marine Corps Marathon last October. My longest run since then has been about seven miles and that was back in March when I thought I was going to run a half marathon in April. I knew I wasn't ready for it, though, between the injury and some other health issues that cropped up so I backed off running and started doing some serious thinking about my health and my habits.

I'm recovering from an injury that came up during marathon training, disappeared with ice, stretching, and rest, and then hit me like a sack of bricks during the race. At this point I feel like I will probably be managing it for the rest of my life, but at least I can manage it with stretching and strength training and cross training. It's my IT band across my left hip and sometimes in my left calf. If I sleep wrong, I wake up in the middle of the night with pain in my hip and I have to figure out how to fall back to sleep and rearrange my workout routine for the next day.

Since I turned forty a little over a year ago I feel like I've been in a constant battle with my body. One friend put it this way: At forty plus one day, all your warranties start expiring. I know my body isn't the same as it was in my twenties and my thirties and there's only so much I have control over of my forty-year-old body. I'm not thrilled with my body right now. Summer clothes from last year don't fit and it's not because I got so muscular from marathon training. It's because I've eaten too much macaroni and cheese.

I'm trying to come to terms with the difference between accepting my body and accepting the changes that I have to make in order to maintain a body that I want. I need more quality rest. I need more water and less sugar. I need more stretching. I need to make the time to be cognizant of the little changes I need to make regularly in order to fit back into those favorite shorts and skirts from last summer. I'm pretty sure that eating less junk food and exercising more is going to be cheaper than buying new clothes.

I'm not on a diet, other than the gluten-free one that I have to be on. I am being more aware of the calories I choose to put into my mouth, although I've decided that some of those calories are going to be chocolate and wine. I've got a ten-mile race training plan that involves a lot of cross training in order to take the pressure off my injury-prone areas while still building strength and endurance. I'm making my family eat more vegetables, since I'm the one who does most of the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking, and I'm not inclined to make different snacks and meals for every family member. If I'm putting this much effort into our food, it's going to be good for all of us.

One of the things that has held me back from wanting to make some changes is struggling with how my child might perceive these changes. She's six. I don't want her to know that I'm unhappy with my body right now. I want her to see exercise as a fun activity that sometimes we do as a family and sometimes Mommy and Daddy do as individuals, and that eating healthy gives us the energy for everything we do, whether it's swimming with friends or going to work or school.

This is hard. 

Trying to Figure Out Why This Commercial Bugs Me

When I first saw this commercial I appreciated the girl-power-ness of it, being a mom myself who cruises through the neighborhood in a black car with a daughter who's going through a black-and-purple phase (and who never had much of a pink phase to begin with). My daughter would definitely choose the black and purple paint and peel into the driveway if given the opportunity.

But then I realized, these girls appear to be my daughter's age or older, and they are riding Big Wheels with helmets. They are riding Big Wheels, a toddler toy. And they are wearing helmets while they ride huge plastic three-wheelers close to the ground with very little risk of falling. Are we so overcautious that helmets on Big Wheels is a thing now? And why aren't they riding bicycles? Or skateboards? Something a little less babyish?

Maybe I'm so involved in our own style of parenting that we've missed Big Wheels for 6, 7, 8 year olds being a thing now. Our six year old is excited to go mountain biking this weekend (with her helmet on, of course). A friend's six year old just had a skateboarding birthday party on the halfpipe the dad built in their backyard (with their helmets on, of course). Are we the odd parents out? Or are commercials reflecting some nonexistent overly protective society that they think parents want to see?

***

I wrote the above a few days ago. Since then I've Googled "helmets on Big Wheels" and I've found that, yes, many parents insist on their toddlers wearing helmets on Big Wheels, when riding in wagons being pulled by an adult, and some parents have rules about helmets when kids are on anything with wheels. While I can understand this for some circumstances, at some point doesn't it seem overprotective for the general population of toddlers? The risk of a fall from a Big Wheel bike is slim. Most toddlers aren't going to be allowed to leave their yards or driveways without adult supervision so there's no risk of being hit by a car on the street. Many parents monitor their children outside even in their own yards so the risk of any danger is very, very low. Parents argue that helmet wearing is a good habit for children to start as young as possible and I agree with that for certain activities. Riding a bike, even a balance bike. Skateboards and scooters. Anything that requires a certain amount of balance and coordination. At some point though aren't we going a bit too far in wrapping our kids up and protecting them from every single bit of pain and discomfort? By making them think the world is always dangerous but if you always take these precautions everything will always be okay?

I also learned that some states require helmets any time a child is on public property on a foot-powered vehicle. So a parent cannot decide that it's safe for their three or four year old to ride a Big Wheel on a dirt path in a park without a helmet.

Let me point out again that the children in this commercial are not toddlers. They are old enough to have the balance and coordination to be on bicycles or scooters. I can sort of understand the visual because the Big Wheel moves more slowly so is more of a cruising vehicle than a bicycle. Every child I know who's around my daughter's age, if given a Big Wheel to ride, they'd be in the backyard crashing them into each other for fun because it's a babyish safety toy. I'd rather see this girl cruising by on a skateboard. Or rolling into the parking lot at the park on a mountain bike, pulling up to her mom's car, speeding past the girls with pink streamers on their bikes, if that's the message they're trying to get across. Why put them on toddler toys?